Updated: Oct 22, 2020
I have learned that to be a good guide, you have to have walked the path first. It has taken quite a few wrong turns, mostly due to hesitation, to learn the lesson. In the last months, I’ve had many revelations about myself, reflections that arise as a result of decisions I did not make or times when I judged myself. Really, many occasions in which I limited myself on account of what I thought would not be liked or well received by others for whatever the reasons. But in the last months I've come to several halts realizing I have lived a life of limitations imposed by some around me and eventually by myself. I've realized a lot of it falls on me, I have not respected my boundaries and therefore, others have not seen them. I felt with time that a little Cookie Monster had been munching away from my self worth.
When the time came for important and daring decisions to be made, I never felt ready for the jump. So finally frustrated I asked myself; what will make me ready and when will that be? Nothing and no one was or is stopping me from succeeding and doing what I love but myself, my insecurities and my own judgements. Yes, my own judgement! No matter how much I improve something, it was never enough. The fear of rejection is awful. I hid behind the excuse that I am a perfectionist; perhaps. The truth is that I am a hard critic and my worse enemy at times. I have learned that if I ever judged others harshly, is because I was doing so with myself. I ask those for forgiveness, and I also forgive myself. Surely others will doubt you too, some will fear that you stop doubting yourself, and others believe in you more than you. Isn't that crazy? Cheers to those friends!
In the circle of life and universe everything is connected and we certainly attract people and situations for given reasons. As I sit back and write on my journal, I notice that in the last 6 months self worth has come about in conversations with friends, whether I am speaking of myself, of current or past experiences or whether I am sharing an advice. I have even seen it come up in custom orders people place for jewelry, not knowing of course, that the feeling they're trying to appease is that exactly. Having been there, I recognize it.
Suddenly I felt prompted to work on a Self-Worth jewelry piece for my brand Dragonfly Sprit by Laurita. The idea was nagging at my head for a while. I wanted to give it another name, something a bit more romantic, but I could not think of it. Well it was a not a romantic journey for myself. So I thought, those with the courageous to accept it will come forth and buy it even with such a name. When they're ready. Before I could even ask myself what stones to use for a bracelet with this theme, the vision of it popped in my head. In a flash I saw the bracelet and why everything in it. So I set myself to work.
Before I physically worked on the bracelet, I worked on the energy and intention first. In the video at the end of the article, I explain the process and the beautiful results. What I learned fro the drawing exercise was exactly what was passed on to the bracelet and it is the following:
Each process is unique and self worth a journey of its own. The wisdom I received is, not to judge or accept, but to love. Love the process and the outcome. Love the moments of darkness that lead you to the stars. Love the pain that reminds you there is a softer side. Love your light in all it's splendor for there isn't another alike. Is not about accepting yourself, is about loving yourself as you are. The absence of doubt.
When I finished a total of 3 drawings, I sat at the work desk to make the bracelets, the ideas came down like waterfalls. As I created each piece I loved them, I caught myself smiling at them. I loved my work more and more. I had a tickling sensation in my heart that made me giggle and cry at the same time. For the first time I was certain of their price, because I had not doubt of their worth. I felt with confidence the value of my work, my gift. The bracelets were beautiful. I’ve created many in similar styles yet these were special, they shined in their own light of creation. Different feeling; I could see the glow beyond the colors, I could see the life in them… I could the gift in them.
I smiled as I made them. My eyes basked in the glimmer of the stones I placed on them. I thought how beautiful each stone was. I wanted to keep them all but I knew they weren’t for me. I had already completed my work. Now there is a higher purpose to fulfill.
Shop Self-Worth series on home page.
Show and Tell, the process of drawing self worth.