Chasing the sun
Chasing the sun…there are many reasons to the name of the story. In fact, this story is about how I came up with this title. It was rather an evolutionary process of events and feelings. I didn’t just choose it because it was poetic. It is my personal story of how I stumbled upon the new beginning I had been wishing for. The way I see it now, I didn’t really stumble upon it, but rather was seeking for it every morning with the break of each dawn.
As with all beginnings, it started with an ending; a sad ending… and then, endings could reflect in many ways. Sometimes, endings are perceived as a blessing, a transition, the conclusion or result of growth. Endings could be seen in a transition; the shedding away of layers that no longer fit us or serve us. For me, this ending was all of this together in one big sucker punch.
I’m talking about that turning point of a chapter in my life I call, ‘the coming to awareness’. It is also the end of a solo love story, for only I was in love. I was sitting on a beach far from home, but very close to my heart with a special someone. We watched the sunset together for the second time, and the last time; the first had been two years before. We were sitting on the sand sharing one towel, yet I never felt so forsaken before. I had always thought of sunsets as warm and romantic. Suddenly he started to talk about how sunsets are an end; though I am aware of the obvious symbolism of the sunset, his words were like daggers to my heart for I knew he was talking about more than just the end of the day. There was a knowingness that the friendship was over after such an unhappy reunion. But why end the friendship? I know he also had things he had not been able to let go of, and at the time I hated to admit, it was not me. In an optimistic attempt, I reminded him what he said to me when we first met, “but remember, for every end there’s a new beginning”. Instead of a positive out look he continued with his long face saying, “yes, but every beginning has an end”. The painful part was the insistence of the sad ending. I kept debating that not all ends were sad and that everything in life was a cycle. I wanted to hold on to hope and I want it to be contagious to him. But at the time he chose his sadness, and though I respected that, I was mad at him for tainting the sunsets that were once melancholic and warm, with depressing hopelessness. Furthermore, for tainting our last moments together. It could’ve ended with a beautiful memory!
Once we each parted our ways and I was back home in Miami, I began to process my anger and pain. I hated him for ruining my memories, the sunsets and the meaning he had originally given to them. Most importantly I was angry at him for ruining the vision I had of him. In a rebellious act, I decided to go to the beach every morning to film the sunrise. The perfect symbol for hope and a new beginning. I wanted to rub my optimism in his pessimistic face; I was angry at him. But every morning I went to see the sunrise I only found a bunch of clouds in my way. I wanted to get that perfect image of the sun coming out of the water and send it to him. I decided to go every morning until I managed to get what I wanted. So I found myself chasing the sun. At first, it became the ego’s chase to prove him wrong, but as I sat in front of the ocean every day, I thought about the sadness and pain in his words. Within a week’s time the desire of proving him wrong subsided. Instead, my goal was now to give him the gift of hope. I thought, if he saw things the way he did, he too must have been heart broken. Truth is, I know nothing of his past.
During the first weeks, it was my competitive attitude that woke me up every morning. With each passing day, the sunrises started to become more and more beautiful. The reflections of the sunlight on the clouds was beyond comparison. Within minutes the colors changed, the shapes of the clouds changed. I watched as all the bird and fish, and all other animals made their appearance as the beach came to life with the rising of the sun…I felt as I too came back to life. Finally one day, when I was waiting to see the beautiful clouds I had now fallen for, the sky was clear. I sat by the shore line as the giant red ball of fire came slowly out of the water finally revealing itself to me. I couldn’t even cry, I giggled to myself instead. How ironic! I had stopped coming for the actual rising of the sun, I had shed any expectations of what a sunrise is supposed to look like. Instead I was living the present moment. I had fallen in love with all around me, the clouds, the birds, the fish, all performing for me in unison. But on this particular day, it was about the one things I set out to find…the ‘perfect sunrise’, and I wasn’t filming…I just watched. When it was done, I thought about it and came to the conclusion that it had been perfect all along. Nothing needed to change, everything had always been beautiful and perfect as it was. I also realized that I wasn’t really chasing the sun for anyone but me. The new beginning was really a gift to myself. I wanted to proof myself, to show myself there is always hope, and it lives inside of me. I gifted myself with a new adventure, new found motivation, and my own brand new beginning.
As the light of the rising sun started to pour into my life, I felt an instinct to share; first with my close friends. I told them about my experiences each morning. Everyday there was something special, something different to the morning before. Then I began posting pictures and short clips on social media for others to see, and hopefully find inspiration themselves through images I captured with love and hope. Whatever it is people see in those pictures, it is by no means to connect to my story, but to connect with me, with the sunrise, and most importantly with themselves. After all, that is what I get from the every morning experience, a connection to myself and the universe. With this story as with the pictures, I hope to inspire you to look inside yourself and to seek what is really in your heart right now?
For me, the rising of the sun is a reminder of the every day opportunity we are given to try again. Every day we have an opportunity to fall down and get back up; that is how we grow. Everyday we have an opportunity to look at the same things with a different perspective. Everyday we have the opportunity to fall in love again…with someone new, with the universe, and most importantly, with ourselves.
After months of chasing the sun, I realized I was no longer chasing; I had become part of it. I am now basking in its light.
About the Galery
I want the reader to know that, all these pictures were taken with my iPhone XS. No filters or alterations were done to any of these photos with the exception of, centering or cropping on a few when it was necessary. It was difficult for me to choose. I chose my favorite ones, but still there were many left out. Everyday has its magic and is beautiful in a different way. Enjoy.